Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
