i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
