the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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