so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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