I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
