Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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