just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
