He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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