Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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