woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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