I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
