WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
