my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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