my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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