Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
