u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
