Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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