You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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