After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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