I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
