An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
