Girls should come with a carfax report
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
