it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think I won the penis lottery.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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