My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
