Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
