i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish I only lived at night.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize