I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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