help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
