Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
