I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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