From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
