Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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