She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
