Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
