i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
