No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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