He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you had me at cake vodka
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
