she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We had sex on a dog bed..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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