I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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