you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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