I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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