Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
