I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
did you just send me my own nude
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
