you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
