On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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