I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She bit a glass in half.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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