Quick, to the slutcave!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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