Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize