woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
