It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize