I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My vagina is officially offended.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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