Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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