You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
