I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
