I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
