I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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