too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
