I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
