Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
