I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
