so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need to calm my uterus...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
