Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
